I
will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
I
will not instigate revolution
I
saw nothing unusual in the teachers' lounge
I
will not draw naked ladies in class
I
will not conduct my own fire drills
I
did not see Elvis
I
will return the seeing-eye dog
Funny
noises are not funny
I
will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
I
will not snap bras
Garlic
gum is not funny
I
will not fake seizures
They
are laughing at me, not with me
This
punishment is not boring and meaningless
I
will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom
My
name is not Dr. Death
I
will not encourage others to fly
I
will not defame New Orleans
I
will not fake my way through life
I
will not prescribe medication
Tar
is not a plaything
I
will not bury the new kid
I
will not Xerox my butt
I
will not teach others to fly
It's
potato, not potatoe
I
will not bring sheep to class
I
will not trade pants with others
A
burp is not an answer
The
cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
I
am not a 32 year old woman
Teacher
is not a leper
I
will not do that thing with my tongue
Coffee
is not for kids
I
will not drive the principal's car
I
will not eat things for money
I
will not pledge allegiance to Bart
I
will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
I
will not sell school property
The
principal's toupee is not a frisbee
I
will not cut corners
I
will not squeak chalk
I
do not have diplomatic immunity
I
will not charge admission to the bathroom
I
will not get very far with this attitude
Goldfish
don't bounce
I
will not make flatulent noises in class
Mud
is not one of the 4 food groups
I
will not belch the National Anthem
No
one is interested in my underpants
I
will not sell land in Florida
I
will not sell miracle cures
I
will not grease the monkey bars
Underwear
should be worn on the inside
I
will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
The
Christmas pageant does not stink
I
will not do anything bad ever again
I
will not torment the emotionally frail
I
will not show off
I
will not call the principal "spud head"
I
will not carve gods
I
will not sleep through my education
I
will not spank others
I
am not a dentist
I
will not bribe Principal Skinner
Spitwads
are not free speech
I
will finish what I start
Nobody
likes sunburn slappers
"Bart
Bucks" are not legal tender
High
explosives and school don't mix
Hamsters
cannot fly
All
work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
I
will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
I
am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
My
homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
I
will not go near the kindergarten turtle
I
am not deliciously saucy
Organ
transplants are best left to the professionals
I
will not send lard through the mail
I
will not use abbrev.
Five
days is not too long to wait for a gun
Adding
"just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
Indian
burns are not our cultural heritage
There
are plenty of businesses like show business
I
will not dissect things unless instructed
I
will not hang donuts on my person
No
one wants to hear my armpits
I
will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
I
will not celebrate meaningless milestones
I
will not strut around like I own the place
Next
time it could be me on the scaffolding
The
Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
I
will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
I
am not a lean mean spitting machine
The
Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
I
will not whittle hall passes out of soap
Wedgies
are unhealthy for children and other living things
I
do not have power of attorney over first graders
Cursive
writing does not mean what I think it does
I
am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr
I
am not certified to remove asbestos
"Bagman"
is not a legitimate career choice
I
will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
I
will remember to take my medication
The
boys room is not a water park
Beans
are neither fruit nor musical
Nerve
gas is not a toy
"Bewitched"
does not promote Satanism
The
First Amendment does not cover burping
Ralph
won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
This
is not a clue...or is it?
I
will only do this once a year
I
am not licensed to do anything
The
truth is not out there
I
did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
I
am not my long-lost twin
I
will not complain about the solution when I hear it
Cursive
writing is not what I think it is
