Seeing how the All Blacks were motivated by performing
before their world cup games, the other nations were asked to suggest
pre-match rituals of their own.
The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air and attach
bells to their ankles for a while before moaning about how they invented the
game, gave it to the world and how it's not fair that everyone can beat
The Scotland team will chant "You lookin' at me Jimmy?" before
smashing an Irn Bru bottle over their opponents' heads.
The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half performing a
Riverdance, while the Northerners march the traditional route from their
dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents' dressing room.
Unfortunately the Welsh suggestion has been vetoed by the RSPCA.
Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition territory claim it
as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and then be forceably removed by the
Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important
than the other thirteen whom they will coral between the posts whilst they
claim the rest of the pitch for themselves.
The Americans will not be there until half time. In future years they will
alter the records to show that they were in fact the most important team in the
tournament and Hollywood will make a film called "Saving No 8 Lyle".
Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marsaillaise and hold the rest of the
side to ransom.
The Italian team will arrive in red penis-substitution cars, sexually harass the
female stewards and then run away.
The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch, mow it and then claim
that it was all in line with the European "grass quotas". They will
then curl up under the posts and have a kip until half time.
The Japanese will attempt to strengthen their team by offering good salaries to
the key opposition players (over 35) and then run around the pitch at high speed
in a highly efficient manner before buying the ground (with a subsidy from the
The French will declare they have new scientific evidence
that the opposition are in fact all mad. They will then park lorries across the
halfway line, let sheep lose in the opposition half and burn the officials.
The Australians will have a barbie before negotiating
lucrative singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite their
mates to come and live with them in Shepherds Bush before beating up all the
women on the touchline.