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Bart Sayings

Continuing the Simpsons theme. Devotees of the programme will know that the introduction to each episode includes a shot of Bart doing lines on the blackboard at Springfield Elementary School.

Here is a selection:   

I will not waste chalk

I will not aim for the head

I will not skateboard in the halls

I will not barf unless I'm sick

I will not burp in class

I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty

I will not instigate revolution

I saw nothing unusual in the teachers' lounge

I will not draw naked ladies in class

I will not conduct my own fire drills

I did not see Elvis

I will return the seeing-eye dog

Funny noises are not funny

I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"

I will not snap bras

Garlic gum is not funny

I will not fake seizures

They are laughing at me, not with me

This punishment is not boring and meaningless

I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom

My name is not Dr. Death

I will not encourage others to fly

I will not defame New Orleans

I will not fake my way through life

I will not prescribe medication

Tar is not a plaything

I will not bury the new kid

I will not Xerox my butt

I will not teach others to fly

It's potato, not potatoe

I will not bring sheep to class

I will not trade pants with others

A burp is not an answer

The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy

I am not a 32 year old woman

Teacher is not a leper

I will not do that thing with my tongue

Coffee is not for kids

I will not drive the principal's car

I will not eat things for money

I will not pledge allegiance to Bart

I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call

I will not sell school property

The principal's toupee is not a frisbee

I will not cut corners

I will not squeak chalk

I do not have diplomatic immunity

I will not charge admission to the bathroom

I will not get very far with this attitude

Goldfish don't bounce

I will not make flatulent noises in class

Mud is not one of the 4 food groups

I will not belch the National Anthem

No one is interested in my underpants

I will not sell land in Florida

I will not sell miracle cures

I will not grease the monkey bars

Underwear should be worn on the inside

I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment

The Christmas pageant does not stink

I will not do anything bad ever again

I will not torment the emotionally frail

I will not show off

I will not call the principal "spud head"

I will not carve gods

I will not sleep through my education

I will not spank others

I am not a dentist

I will not bribe Principal Skinner

Spitwads are not free speech

I will finish what I start

Nobody likes sunburn slappers

"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender

High explosives and school don't mix

Hamsters cannot fly

All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy

I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause

I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers

My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man

I will not go near the kindergarten turtle

I am not deliciously saucy

Organ transplants are best left to the professionals

I will not send lard through the mail

I will not use abbrev.

Five days is not too long to wait for a gun

Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal

Indian burns are not our cultural heritage

There are plenty of businesses like show business

I will not dissect things unless instructed

I will not hang donuts on my person

No one wants to hear my armpits

I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface

I will not celebrate meaningless milestones

I will not strut around like I own the place

Next time it could be me on the scaffolding

The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far

I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist

I am not a lean mean spitting machine

The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan

I will not whittle hall passes out of soap

Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things

I do not have power of attorney over first graders

Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does

I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr

I am not certified to remove asbestos

"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice

I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball

I will remember to take my medication

The boys room is not a water park

Beans are neither fruit nor musical

Nerve gas is not a toy

"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism

The First Amendment does not cover burping

Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough

This is not a clue...or is it?

I will only do this once a year

I am not licensed to do anything

The truth is not out there

I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten

I am not my long-lost twin

I will not complain about the solution when I hear it

Cursive writing is not what I think it is

And finally............



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